Day: January 28, 2022

What I crave

~ thereluctantpoet

Painted Poems

Why is he the first thing in my mind when I wake up? I don’t like it.

OK. It’s time to admit it. I have a big crush on him. It happens and there’s not much I can do about it.

I’ve no idea how and when it even happened. I just started talking to him more often, observing him, thinking of him. The fact that I am near him almost every day doesn’t make it easier. I try not to stare, not to seek, not to desire. I keep telling my heart that the feelings are unwanted by me, that I want them to be gone. But it doesn’t work. You cannot argue with your heart. A fight with your heart is always a lost fight.

What do I actually feel, though? What is a crush? I’ve always felt that being on my own was my destiny. I’ve never…

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I need a hug

~ thereluctantpoet

Painted Poems

It’s getting cold. You wake up in the morning and get out of the bed with your cold feet you head to the window. You touch the cold glass trying to touch the sun, rising in the distance. Cold.

The weather has nothing to do with the cold that I carry in myself, though. It’s always been here. Never goes away. Never disappears. Like crystals of ice covering my skin. Why am I so cold?

You just need a little bit of fire, my dear, you would think. But I walked through the fire many times and never felt a stroke of warmth. My body’s weak. Starving. Barely breathing. Vanishing.

I need a hug. Where are you? Asking the only person who could hug me. You know no one else can do it. Do not touch me. Do not come any closer. How sad is that? Always in the arms…

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11.24

~ thereluctantpoet

Love, Life, Broken

The night feels heavy.
And I just can’t quiet settle into bed.
And I just can’t quite quiet my head.
Things resonating where they shouldn’t.
Stress.
Anxiety.
Depression.
The same old song and dance.
Aren’t you tired?
I’m tired.
Progress feels like stagnation.
So I stopped making progress altogether.
And I hate myself for it.
Starting again is so daunting.
How many times will I have to start again?

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When They Disappear

~ thereluctantpoet

Love, Life, Broken

We’ve all heard that saying that people come and go from your life like seasons.
We should be thankful of the time we had.
Set them free and if they return…..
Blah blah blah

It’s upsetting when someone comes into my life and I get attached and then they just disappear. Especially when they don’t say goodbye.

I’m guilty of that last one sometimes….we all get busy. But I never disappear without telling my friends or loved ones first. It is hurtful.

Have you ever been on that side and wonder what happened….are they ok? I do all the time. Would you do this to someone knowing it causes them so much pain?

Yes….I know some like to inflict pain….but pain of the heart and soul is not nice at all.

To those of us who care….don’t just disappear without a word.

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How they crush your heart.

~ thereluctantpoet

Love, Life, Broken

It’s so easy to be everything to someone—for a little while, at least. Do you want to be their one and only? Do you want to hold their heart in your hand, until you grow bored and decide to crush it? It’s simple, it really is. An emotionally-stunted halfwit could figure it out, which is why so many of them do.

When it happens to you, you wonder how they made it happen. You wonder where the magical soulmate went—the person who knew you better than you know yourself, who somehow anticipated your every need, who finished you the way nobody ever knew how.

You wonder how you could have been so stupid. How it could have taken you so long to see.

Well, here’s how.
You have many secrets. Most are the ones you hold, and keep secure from others. But a couple are secrets which you don’t know, and everybody else does…

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